Got back from Haiti Wednesday evening.
It was a whirlwind trip: Monday to Wednesday. But two days in Haiti for this lightweight felt like at least a week.
People ask me, “So how was it?”
And after several seconds of mentally grasping for the short answer, I manage to choke out, “It was a lot.”
The next question is inevitably, “Are you glad you went?”
That answer comes much quicker. “Absolutely. And I’m definitely going back.” (Not what my mom wanted to hear, of course. And hilarious that less than six months ago, I was still saying ‘Never in my life…’)
So there’s that, for all who were wondering.
Haiti ended up being what MY coach calls ‘a metaphor-rich environment.’ So many lessons, so many blog posts. So consider yourselves warned. You’ll be hearing about Haiti for a while. I’ll try to spread them out a little.
The two rockstars of the trip and of Rebuild Globally as a whole are Julie Columbino (Founder and CEO) and Sarah Sandstred (Global Operations Director). While these two positions sound like there is much time spent at mahogany conference tables in fancy offices meeting with important people as assistants deliver coffee, the reality could not be more different.
These two women are ON THE GROUND in Haiti. They have unknowingly perfected the good cop/bad cop routine to help their team create beautiful products that consumers will purchase, not just out of pity, but because they are high-quality products.
(You don’t want to know how much I spent at the shop before I left, not to mention on their website before I got there.)
Sarah has her master’s degree in International Liaison and Communication. Julie is part way through her MBA (flies home every week to attend class at Rollins). These brilliant women could be making hefty salaries, if they just chose the American Dream.
But one of Haiti’s big issues is crime, specifically theft. And both of their hearts were stolen, never to be returned.
My natural coaching showed up in conversations over dinner and long, dusty rides in the truck. I asked each of them about how they care for themselves in such an emotional expensive environment. Burnout is common among missionaries in Haiti.
Julie and I talked a lot about feeling that the survival of her entire team rested squarely on her shoulders. As a codependent to my core, I could easily slip on that pressurized backpack and never take it off.
I am happy to report that Julie is much more emotionally healthy than myself and after years of practice, she has learned how to do everything she can and leave the rest to God.
I told her a parenting story (parenting also being a metaphor-rich environment) that taught me a critical lesson that I’ve embraced as a mantra:
Stop that ball. Throw it to first.
Caroline has been playing softball for the past few years and she loves it. She typically plays third base or shortstop because she’s one of the few on the team with the arm strength to get the ball to first base after a hit.
After several seasons sharing the stands with the same moms, we’ve all become friends. And one of my favorite moms sits behind me and almost without fail calls out to the girls before every defensive play, “Stop that ball! Throw it to first!”
There was actually one time she DIDN’T say it last season, I turned around and said, “Hey, say your thing. They need it.” She laughed at me and said, “No, YOU need it.” And she was right.
I need it every day.
Caroline can pretty consistently scoop up a grounder and get it to first base before the runner. But whether or not the first baseman will catch it is always a surprise. (Not that CJ never misses a play. She’s by no means perfect.)
We had gotten home one day after a particularly frustrating game for Caroline. She had made several plays to first base that were dropped or missed and was whining about how many outs were given up as a result.
Forever pounding the TEAM mindset into her head, I knew this was an important moment. I put my stuff down and said, “Hey. Come here. Look at my face.”
She rolled her eyes (which is new; thanks, puberty), drug her feet over to where I was standing and stared at me, her big brown eyes full of preemptive boredom.
“Listen, your job is to get it to first….”
“I did! But…” she jumped in.
“Wait! I wasn’t finished!” Another eye roll. I ignored it and kept going. “Your job is to get it to first. And that’s it. Whatever happens after that, once that ball leaves your hand, well, that’s none of your business.”
She looked at me aghast. “But what if she doesn’t catch it?”
I shrugged. “Not your problem. You’re not playing first base. You’re playing shortstop. YOU do YOUR part. You playing your part well is not conditional on everybody else is doing what they’re supposed to do. YOU do YOUR part. Period. What happens after that is out of your hands.”
And suddenly I felt the familiar tug on my heart as God whispered,
And that goes for you too. You play the position I’ve assigned to you to the best of your ability. Don’t waste your time wondering whether or not others will follow up with their part. Don’t get hung up on anybody else’s job but your own. What they do with their role is between them and Me. YOU do YOUR job. Period.
I shared that story with my friend, encouraging her to continue to just focus on her part in God’s plan and to let go of making sure everyone else does theirs. That’s a surefire path to insanity. (Ahem. So I hear anyway.)
I assured her that she IS doing her part. Like a boss. And so is Sarah. They’re nailing this thing, you guys. Every day. And it’s so, SO hard.
Board members leave them hanging.
Donations don’t come through.
The shop gets broken into.
Other mission organizations continue to cripple the people with handouts and mission trips that focus more on the participants’ experience than the long-term needs of the recipients.
Natural disasters occur and sets the entire country back months, years, decades.
There are more than enough reasons for Julie and Sarah to drop the gloves and walk off the mission field. Because other people aren’t doing their part.
But that’s not how our Coach designed the game. He doesn’t determine wins or losses by EVERYBODY doing EVERYTHING right at the SAME TIME. He asks us to do our part (and ONLY our part), and do it well.
“Just keep throwing it to first, my friend. Keep throwing it to first.”
She nodded and exhaled. “Throw it to first,” she repeated. “Yeah, I can do that.”
“You ARE doing that,” I insisted and raised my glass. “Cheers.”
She grinned and clinked hers against mine. “Cheers.”
Since I’ve gotten home, God and I have been working through what position He wants ME to play as a member of the board of Rebuild Globally.
And I’ve also been working on what that means for other areas of my life.
In my relationships: There’s no guarantee the other party will do what they’re supposed to do. They may not give me the apology I believe I deserve. They may not accept MY apology. They may not reciprocate with care and concern. So does that mean I’m off the hook for doing MY part?
Absolutely not. Stop that ball. Throw it to first.
In my work: People may not read what I write. Clients may not follow through with the plan we’ve worked so hard on. Contracts get broken. Organizations may cancel my speaking engagements. Does that mean I get to stop putting myself out there?
Nope. Stop that ball. Throw it to first.
In my faith: The girls may not show up for Bible study. God may not do what I tell Him to do in my prayers. Other Christians may take stands on different sides of current issues. Does that mean I get to withdraw and go join a monastery?
Well, maybe some people are called to that, but I’m not. Stop that ball. Throw it to first.
In service: Well-meaning people may continue to enable instead of empower those in need. Others may look at what I did last week and get it wrong, assuming I’m either a really good person (um, no) or that I’m exploiting the poor people of Haiti to get the perfect profile pic or photo op to make other people THINK I’m a really good person. Does that mean I can go pout on the bench?
No way. Stop that ball. Throw it to first.
In society: We may not like our elected officials. We may not agree with local and national decisions. Corruption may creep into the most above-board companies. The rich may get richer and the poor may get poorer and it doesn’t seem like anything can stop it. Does that mean I get to throw my hands up and walk away?
Know why the system is flawed? Because it’s full of flawed people, like you and me. Stop that ball. Throw it to first.
God continues to hone and adjust my job description as long as I’m on this earth. And my job, my only job, is to do what God has called ME to do, regardless of everybody else’s decisions.
Oh how much simpler my life would be. I may be able to cut back on my meds and therapy if I could get my head around just doing MY part.
So step 1: Figure out what God wants from you in your relationships, your work, your faith, your community, your country, your life.
Then step 2: Stop that ball. Throw it to first.
