Women are scary.
We’re typically not as big or strong as men, but I’m learning more and more the innate power that comes with being female.
I first considered this during a Beth Moore study years ago. These few paragraphs blew my mind:
For reasons we may never know, God entrusted womankind a most wonderful and terrible gift: the power of influence. This is the foremost quality highlighted in our earliest heritage.
Do you suppose the serpent believed Eve could talk Adam into anything? Consider the power of feminine influence. God selected us as the bearers of children and, in our society, women assume the greatest role in childbearing. Our daycares, Mothers Day Outs, schools, and Sunday Schools are overwhelmingly staffed with women. With the divorce rate escalating and millions of children growing up without a father in the home, mothers possess incredible influence. For better or worse, your self-esteem has probably been influenced most at the hands—and mouth—of your mother.
How do you use the fearful gift of influence? At its best, it teaches, nurtures, encourages, exhorts, evangelizes, and disciplines. At worst, it cripples and kills. The line between influence and manipulation is extremely fine. Influence is so easy to use, it’s frightening. Maybe it’s the reason God exhorts us to “gentle and quiet” spirits. We need to think before we speak and act. The warnings in Scripture are not provided because we are so lowly, but because we possess such an awesome gift.
Whoa. This brought my womanhood into sharp focus. Even when I first read that in my twenties, I could look back on my childhood and teen years and see how I had alternately (and unknowingly) used and abused this gift of influence.
I tell you who DIDN’T take that long to figure out this power is Sydney. She was eight when Brad and I got married and as I watched her in action, I saw that she wielded this weapon with great gusto.
As a single dad who was madly in love with his children, Brad was oblivious to this assault. When I entered the picture (and brought another girl with me, no less), the balance of power shifted and I really ruined things for Sydney. The jig was up.
I watched her (harmlessly) work her dad over one day and chuckled to myself. After Brad left the room, I said, “Hey Syd, come here. I wanna tell you something.”
She walked over to me, eyes wide with feigned innocence. I grinned. “Just wanted you to know that I saw that,” I informed her.
“What?” she asked, aiming her big blue lazer-beam eyes directly into mine, like she was trying to convince me that I didn’t, in fact, see anything.
“What you did to your dad just then. I saw it,” I told her, still smiling.
She blinked. “What do you mean?” she asked.
I leaned down and lowered my voice, “No, it’s okay. I’m a girl too. I get it. Here’s the thing.” She leaned in with interest. “God gave women the gift of influence. You’ve obviously figured that out. But we have to use our power for good and not for evil.”
She was intrigued. “Okay…”
“Here’s how you can know: If you’re using it to get something for yourself, you’re probably misusing it. But if you’re using it for someone else’s good, THAT’S when you know you’re doing it right. Does that make sense?”
She nodded slowly, still processing. “I think so.”
“Okay, good.” I patted her shoulder. “As you were.”
She walked out of the room and I wondered if I had made a big mistake, naming the power she had. Time would tell.
Later that night after dinner, Sydney came skipping into the living room. “Lindsey, guess what,” she said excitedly, eyes dancing. “Me and Caroline were taking showers and getting our pajamas on and I said, ‘Hey, Caroline. I’ll race you to see who can get ready for bed the fastest. If we hurry, we can all watch the movie we were talking about at dinner.’ And she said okay and so we both got ready for bed really fast so we could watch the movie.”
I smiled. Using her power for good. Whew. “That’s IT. You nailed it, girl.” I held up my hand and gave her a high five. “Good job.”
She beamed and bounced into the kitchen to make popcorn. I let out a sigh of relief as I watched her leave. There goes one scary woman right there, I thought to myself.
Since then God has captured Sydney’s heart in mighty ways. In the past few years, I have watched her soften and exude a warmth and caring for others way beyond her years. She has already led one friend to Christ and I marvel at the power of her young voice.
Like any other personality trait, the gift of influence is a double-edged sword. And if it’s not submitted to the lordship of Christ, it can do unspeakable damage. We’ve all seen it and, God forgive us, we’ve all done it.
When we were in school, it was the mean girls. The popular crowd who used their voice to belittle and bully others to maintain their perceived status.
When we had children, it was the mommy wars. The subtle and not-so-subtle shots we take at each other for our different parenting choices.
As our kids grow, we face the loud, bossy moms who use their volume to get their way with teachers, kids, other moms and probably their own families.
In our work lives, we keep a wary eye on the women who gossip about coworkers and can ultimately turn the whole office against an unsuspecting victim.
In social situations, there’s always that one woman who shows a little too much skin, laughs a little too much at our husbands’ jokes and takes great ego trips at catching the eyes of married men.
And our entire lives, the approval of our mothers has reigned supreme in our hearts, whether we admit it or not. A mother’s disapproval can crush and control us if we aren’t steadied by the unshakable approval of our Heavenly Father through Jesus’ death on the cross.
I think I’ve made my point. Women are scary.
Scary to our husbands when we disrespect and emasculate them with our words.
Scary to our kids when they live under the fear of disappointing us.
Scary to our pastors when we loudly criticize and demand things be done our way at church.
Scary to our coworkers when we throw them under the bus in front of others.
Now before we resolve to cross our legs, fold our hands, smile sweetly and speak demurely in low tones for the rest of our lives lest we scare anyone, let’s define our terms.
Anybody else balk at that ‘gentle and quiet spirit’ stuff from the quote above? That’s straight out of 1 Peter 3:3-4. Hayley Morgan breaks down this verse in a way that, combined with Beth’s explanation, gives us a fuller picture of biblical womanhood.
This use of gentle (or meek) does not mean being a pushover or hidden from sight. Sure, it means we should not speak in a way that needlessly stirs up friction or destructive commotion. But a closer look at this word in its original language reveals a new dimension.
The Greek word praus is used in 1 Peter 3:4 to describe the characteristic of gentleness or meekness. HELPS Word-studies define this word as “exercising God’s strength under His control – i.e. demonstrating power without undue harshness.” The heart of meekness is simply harnessing the Lord’s power under His control.
This Greek word is also used in Matthew 5:5, giving the meaning of meek a new spin: “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” Do you see? Biblical meekness is never weakness. Rather, it is a harnessing of God-given strength.
Great news, girls! We were created to be powerful and influential! But as I explained to Sydney that day, we must wield our weapon for good, for GOD. He designed us to be scary. To the other team.
Satan wins when women fall into either extreme: loud, bossy and controlling OR stifled, hidden and voiceless. With the first, we lose credibility. With the second, we surrender our power.
Oh, we’re scary, all right. There are few things more terrifying to the enemy than a woman who has found her voice, surrendered it to God’s control and uses it mightily for His Kingdom and His glory.
The enemy has been waging war against women since the beginning of time in an attempt to silence our powerful voices. Not because we’re easy targets, but because we’re some of his biggest THREATS. I love the quote that says, “Let’s be the kind of women that when our feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan says, ‘Oh crap. She’s up.’”
Starting this afternoon, thousands of women all over the world will be tuning in for the IF:Gathering based out of Austin, Texas. Hearts will be stirred. Captives will be set free. God’s daughters will catch the Holy Spirit’s fire and warm all those they come in contact with. Disciples will be made. And the Kingdom will come just a little bit more. (Join a local group or watch the live stream at home: www.ifgathering.com.) And the enemy is shaking in his boots.
And to the guys who have experienced the ugly side of this gift: Please forgive us. Some women are out there, abusing their power on purpose. But some of us are just learning to swing a sword that still feels a little too heavy for us. Pray for us. Support us. Empower us. Believe in us. We’ll get the hang of it. And when we do, everyone will benefit from it. Including you.
Girls: You have the gift of influence. Whether you use it, abuse it or ignore it, it’s in there. Make your choice. Will you use it for good, for the God who gave it to you? Will you assist the kingdom of darkness by intimidating and manipulating? Or will you sit on it because you’ve bought the lies of inferiority?
We must learn to use our power. We’ll be awkward and clumsy for a while. We’ll step on toes and miss opportunities. But with some practice and the Holy Spirit’s guidance, we can turn the world upside down for Christ, which is what was originally intended by the Giver of all good things.
Be afraid, Satan. Be very afraid.
