I’m a fixer.
Life is in a constant state of entropy. Everything is always in the process of falling apart. I get that. I’ve almost accepted it. Almost.
But as soon as I figure out something is wrong, I want it fixed. I don’t like process. I don’t like growth. If it’s wrong, I want to make it right. Stat. I have a running list of things that need fixing in my life. I want to go through it point by point, do some work, complete the project, put a big check by it and then NEXT!
My therapist has heard it. I go in there. I lay out the problem. She nods thoughtfully with a look of concern and compassion. I wait. “Well?” I ask. “Well, what?” she replies. “Fix me!” I insist. She smiles. We’ve been through this. That’s not how it works.
God’s heard it too. I go to Him, spell out the whole issue. Spare no detail. Offer several solutions. Wrap it up with, “Okay, Lord, I need You to fix it. Ready? Go.” He smiles. We’ve been through this. That’s not how it works.
They’re both into growth and process and all that crap. Booo. Just seems terribly inefficient to me. But they’re the experts, so I try to trust them.
Having said that, God is in the middle of a sort of redemption jag in my life at the moment. Redeeming is God’s version of fixing. Redemption is better, to be sure. It just takes…so…much…longer.
But I guess it has to. Fixing is taking something broken and making it work like it did before. Apply some duct tape. Change the batteries. Add some super glue. Tighten the bolt. Done and done.
But redeeming, well, that’s another animal. Redeeming involves taking something broken and, not returning it to its original state, but working through it, and making it different than it was before. Whole and healed, plus a testimony. Plus a deeper, stronger relationship with God. Plus a ministry to others with the same brokenness.
Right now, God seems to be targeting old sources of pain for me, things I probably considered thorns in my flesh that would never really go away. And any discomfort they caused I assumed were consequences of my part in their falling apart. (As my dad always says, “Don’t assume!” And as my stepson always says, “Assumption killed the cat.”)
I had recently just caught my breath from a redemption operation. The wound was several years old, but I had never fully made peace with the loss I had incurred. So when God put His mighty finger on it and said, This one. We’re going to do this one next, I was thrilled.
It wasn’t easy though. Satan had been standing on that stronghold for a while and he did not give up without a fight. So God made me work for it. And work for it I did. But the payoff was beyond worth it. Territory that I thought I had permanently lost was given back to me, and then some.
Within days of that healing, He went after another one. When I figured out what He was doing I prayed, “Lord, just give me a minute, will Ya? I’m still pretty tired from that last one. And actually, I’d just like to revel in my victory for a while before I start the next project.”
But He would not be put off. He pointed at the issue. You’re still afraid of this. Just thinking about it makes you anxious. Enough. You thought this would always be a loss, always be a symbol of weakness in your life. Guess what. I’m going to redeem it too. Come on, Little Miss Fix-It. Let’s go take that hill.
And we did. I had to fight for that one too. And one more area of bondage in my heart is now breathing the sweet air of freedom.
It wasn’t easy though. It got so dark at one point, I almost folded. Kind of like when the Hebrews were right on the edge of the Promised Land. They were out of a life of slavery, had spent 40 years in the desert for being stupid. God told them to go take the land, to fight for it. They got word of how big their enemies were and desert life started to not look so bad after all. Heck, even slavery in Egypt had its perks.
The land was theirs, but they still had to fight for it. So one city at a time, they worked their way through Canaan, taking out their enemies. God fought with them and gave them success. He had a plan for their complete redemption: Every fortress had to be destroyed. God knew that if any strongholds remained, they would be ongoing problems.
But somewhere along the way, the Hebrews got tired. Yes, they were victorious, but the fighting was exhausting. So they settled on what they had, deciding that was good enough. Instead of wiping out their enemies, they made peace with the fact that some of them would always be around and just hoped for a live-and-let-live policy. They even married among their former enemies so the lines got blurred even more.
And guess what. They had ongoing problems.
God’s not into halfway healing. He’s into process, growth. And it’s all on His timetable. But when He points at something in our lives that needs to be redeemed, we better go after it. When we decide we’re ‘healed enough’ and have made peace with an issue that God wants gone, we can bet we just signed up for ongoing problems. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve got enough problems that just kind of show up in day-to-day life. I don’t want to opt into any extras.
Do you know what the redemption candidates are in your life? Come on, be honest. You don’t have to TELL me. But you know what they are, don’t you? If you don’t, God definitely does. Ask Him to show them to you. Ask Him to open your eyes to how much you actually trip over them on a regular basis. You may have gotten so used to them that they don’t even bother you anymore. They should.
Then surrender them. He’s got a plan for every issue, every weakness, every lingering failure. He may not have wanted them in your life, but they are under His sovereignty and He WILL make them work for Him. And you. But as I’ve said before, that garbage can turn to gold in His economy. A healed wound becomes a mighty ministry in the Master’s hand.
That bad decision you made in college. That moment of weakness that haunts you. That catastrophic secret that sits heavy on your chest. That place where that horrible thing happened. That person who the very sight of them causes your throat to tighten and your stomach to sink.
These are all candidates for redemption.
But you can’t rush this stuff. Some will be healed in this life. Some will wait until the next. But you can’t drag it all around waiting for God to redeem it. Leave it with Him. He’ll let you know when it’s time. And when He gives you the green light, no matter what the process requires, don’t hesitate.
After a couple recent healings, I look back now on those former sources of great pain and shame and see a big word stamped across them in red: REDEEMED.
Our God heals and heals completely. Don’t settle for anything less.
