Something you may not know about me: I used to be quite the poker player.
Granted, I wasn’t that GREAT. But I used to play all the time. (Brad and the kids talk me into playing occasionally and I always regret it. Nobody knows what’s going on, everybody’s confused by the big blind and the small blind, the kids forget the names of the hands. I always end up saying at least two or three times, “In the Old West, you would’ve gotten shot for that.” It’s messy. I know, I know. I just need to lighten up.)
But there’s a situation toward the end of a round of betting when a player has already invested so many chips that it really doesn’t make any sense to fold and not see it all the way through. It’s called “pot committed.” (I’m sure there’s a lot more math involved in it, but that’s the gist.)
And with all the heated arguments on Facebook, all intensity flying around, I can’t help but wonder, Are they really pot committed? I mean, they seem to care A WHOLE LOT about this issue. But are they doing anything other than ranting about it on Facebook? Are they really a social justice warrior? Or just a social media warrior?
I can tell you how to find out.
We’ve all heard that you find out what’s important to someone by looking at their calendar and their checkbook (or these days, online bank statements.) And that’s the gospel truth.
Let’s take a look at my calendar, shall we? Hmmm. Lots of lunches and dinners out with friends. Friends coming over for drinks. All the kids’ activities (color-coded, by the way). Coaching calls. Exercise classes at the Y.
And my bank statements would confirm. The things that are REALLY the most important to me are: family, friends, food, my job and exercise. (Never was a big fan of exercise, but I need to get back in my range and I’m trying to set a good example. You know, just for something different.)
Jesus shot his followers straight:
Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21, Luke 12:34)
I used to read that and think about the calendar and checkbook line. But that’s after the fact. The money has already been spent. And often, so has the time on the calendar.
But with all the turmoil and passion flying around these days and people acting like they care so much, well, I just wonder how MUCH they REALLY care?
Are they donating money to refugee relief organizations (www.preemptivelove.org, www.rebuildglobally.org)? Are they calling meetings with people of influence? Are they writing their congressmen?
Are they having conversations with people who voted differently from them, look differently from them, practice different religions than they do to try to cure our divided nation? Are they making an effort to support events that initiate mutual understanding?
What kind of time and money are they investing in these causes? (And time on Facebook doesn’t count. No, it really doesn’t.)
I had a fascinating conversation with a friend yesterday. She is a staunch conservative white Christian who had gotten into a heated Facebook debate with a Hispanic male friend, also a Christian, over immigration and refugee issues.
And do you know what they did? They got together for lunch.
For an hour and a half, they shared their stories, their perspectives, their histories and their desires for the future of our country. As it turned out, they agreed on a lot more than they thought they did and each walked away with a deeper understanding of and compassion for the other side.
I was thrilled beyond belief, almost moved to tears at the courage and beauty of that encounter.
“THAT’S how it’s done,” I told her. “Right there. THAT’S how you conquer the division, stereotypes and misconceptions that are keeping everybody pissed off and at a distance from each other. You have a conversation.”
She shrugged. “But who has time for that?” she asked, honestly.
“People who care!” I retorted, a little too emphatically. “People make time for what they care about. And if they say they care so damn much about what’s going on in this country, THEY’LL MAKE TIME.”
It’s like those girls in the book He’s Just Not That Into You who make excuses for the guys who won’t spend time with them. Money is kinda tight for him right now. He’s really busy at work. No, pumpkin. He’s just not that into you. People make time for what they care about. And if he wanted to be with you, he’d move mountains to make it happen.
Sorry refugees, racism, poverty, homelessness and divided nation. We’re just not that into you. We’re really just into building ourselves up and shaming those who see things differently. But thanks for providing great fodder for online arguments.
Of all the hours we spend on Facebook, think of how many face-to-face conversations we could be having that would bring people together. Not necessarily to walk away agreeing on everything, but walking away with a different perspective, a personal story and a true understanding of BOTH sides of the issue.
And I have another crazy idea: Instead of letting your heart lead your time and money, make your time and money lead your heart.
Is there something you need to care more about? Your health? Social justice issues? You marriage? Your kids? Your faith?
If you really want to make yourself care about it, throw some time and money at it.
I joined the Y because I couldn’t get myself motivated to exercise on my own anymore. But I knew if I was paying for it, I’d do it. Then it started getting my time too. So now it’s got my money and my time. You know what’s starting to follow? My heart. I’m starting to love that place and look forward to going. And now, my whole family goes.
I knew I needed to up my game as far as my coaching practice goes. So I hired my OWN coach. HUGE investment. Makes me nervous just thinking about how much I’m paying him. But you know what? I’m busting my butt doing all my ‘homework’ and clearing my calendar for our sessions because I’m gonna get every single cent’s worth of value out of this guy. This project is demanding a lot of time and a lot of money, so it’s got my heart too. (To clarify, the coaching part has ALWAYS had my heart. The business side was just a necessary evil. Until now.)
Okay, I’m gonna be real honest with you here. You know what needs more of my heart? My church.
Here’s the thing: I tithe. I mean, we tithe as a family. But it’s an automatic deduction out of our account. I don’t see it. I don’t feel it. So I need to invest my time and gifts. NOT wait till I feel like it. NOT wait until something inspires me. Because where my money and time go, there my heart will go also. And our churches need more members who are pot committed.
Facebook is fun. (Well, it USED to be before it turned into a never-ending, friendship-severing, stereotyping culture war.) But no matter how much time you spend on it (and it’s free, so you have no money invested), you will not change the world by throwing virtual stones behind the safety of a screen.
You want people to take you and/or your cause seriously? Show that you’re pot committed. Lead by example. Tell me about the time you’ve spent in conversation with different people. Tell me about the money you’ve donated to what you believe in. And then I’d be willing to hear your heart, not just your opinions.
There’s a story in the Old Testament when King David is commanded to build an altar to the Lord to stop a plague on his people (that David himself was apparently responsible for). So he went to purchase the location and supplies to build the altar and the guy who owned the space and stuff offered it to him for free. But David refused.
No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing. (2 Samuel 24:24)
David understood that if it cost him nothing, then it meant nothing. You get what you pay for. And he was ready to put his money where his mouth was.
There’s quick exchange I like in You’ve Got Mail where Joe (Tom Hanks) is inspecting a book in the mom-and-pop bookstore and asks the salesman about it. The worker described and pointed out some details that gave the book great value.
“Is that why it costs so much?” Joe asks.
The salesman, without blinking, replies, “No, that’s why it’s WORTH so much.”
So what’s your cause worth to you? If it’s not worth your time and money, it’s not worth your Facebook diatribes.
And where does your heart NEED to be? Invest in it. Time AND money. Your heart will inevitably follow.
Have the conversations. Donate to the organizations. Listen. Learn. Talk. Give. Get some skin in the game. Then tell us all about it on Facebook.
From your heart.
