I was raised to be a pretty polite kid.
I was respectful to adults. Did (almost) everything I was told. And I feel like I asked for permission before I did most things. And if asking felt too presumptuous, I waited for somebody in authority to VOLUNTEER permission. Sometimes I would even say no a couple of times to make sure they really meant it.
In some ways, part of me got stuck there. And up until very recently, I was still waiting for permission. For a lot of things.
Most recently, I was working for a publication and I was hired to do a lot of contact work with our magazine subjects. But writing was not in my job description.
I love writing. It’s one of the few things I do really well. But they didn’t hire me to write. They had lots of writers. So nobody asked me to write.
I really enjoyed what I was doing, but at one point I got super frustrated that I wasn’t writing for the magazine. I remember whining to Brad one day, “They won’t let me write. Why won’t they let me write? I need to write.”
And then God crashed my pity party, as He has a tendency to do.
Let you? LET you? Why do you need someone to LET you WRITE? I’ve given you the ability and I expect you to use it for My glory. Stop complaining and START WRITING.
A few months later, I launched my blog. Been writing my butt off ever since.
Is it my career? Nope. Am I getting paid for it? Nope. But that’s not the point. It’s one of the things I was put here to do, so my job in God’s Kingdom is to big, fat do it. Period.
I remember making a run to Bed, Bath & Beyond shortly after we moved into this house a couple years ago and I came across a piece of wall art that has Ayn Rand’s quote:
The question isn’t, ‘Who’s going to let me?’ It’s, ‘Who is going to stop me?’
I stood there in the picture frame section just staring at those words. Something resonated way down in my soul.
I took a picture of the picture (thinking that just keeping the quote would be enough), put it back on the shelf and went about my business. As I picked up the other odds and ends on my list, the words kept running through my head again and again. Before I checked out, I went back to the picture section.
All of a sudden, I reached a crisis point: I desperately wanted (maybe even NEEDED) that picture. But I didn’t have permission. I needed somebody to let me. The picture that was communicating the freedom and courage I craved, well, I lacked the freedom and courage to reach out and take it.
What was the freakin’ problem? Who did I need permission from? Who did I need to let me? Where was the adult in the room to tell me I could have it?
Just to the side of those exhilarating words was a beautiful framed mirror.
And there was my answer.
Me. It was me. I was the problem. I was the obstacle. I needed my OWN permission. I needed to let myself. I was the adult in the room. And I could have it, if I wanted it.
(It now hangs on the wall next to my inspiration station at home. You know, where I do all my writing.)
I think we’re all waiting for permission. From somebody. For something.
We’ve boxed ourselves in, made up a bunch of rules, threw up some temporary structures that somehow solidified into a fortress. And we won’t let ourselves out.
We’re not necessarily happy in here, waiting for permission that no one is giving us (including ourselves), but this is just the way it is.
But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
I give you permission.
I give you permission to laugh. At yourself when you screw up. At your spouse when they make a dumb joke. At your kids when they make crazy faces. At your pet when they get busted for doing something they KNOW they’re not supposed to do.
I give you permission to cry. Bad things have happened in your life and nobody even knows about half of them. You’ve been trying to be brave. Or pretending you don’t care. I get it. And if you’re not ready to let your guard down, go get alone someplace, feel the hurt and let the cleansing tears fall.
I give you permission to respond to the affection of your spouse. Even if you’ve spent the last few weeks, months, years, decades pulling away and shutting it down, I give you permission to lean into a long kiss and a warm embrace.
I give you permission to demand better treatment from that person who regularly treats you like crap. And if they won’t cooperate with your higher expectations, I give you permission (and even encourage you) to WALK AWAY.
I give you permission to love your job. I give you permission to blow the roof off your job description and be wildly successful without feeling guilty. I give you permission to go all in with everything you’ve got, to take your heart to work and invest in your coworkers on a personal level.
I give you permission to hate your job. I give you permission to update that resume (let me know if you need some help) and start asking friends and family for any contacts in an industry that might interest you. I give you permission to STOP SETTLING in your career and shoot for the freakin’ moon.
I give you permission to dream. That non-profit you want to start, that business you want to launch, that social justice initiative you want to get involved in, that book you want to write. I give you permission to start jotting down some notes, reaching out to people who may be of the same mind and start taking steps toward DOING THE THING.
I give you permission to do things you enjoy. Don’t give me the tired, old ‘there’s no time’ excuse. Pardon me while I wave my B.S. flag. If you need to drop an obligation, quit a committee or get up an hour earlier so you can write, paint, build, create, hike, run, swim, bike, cook, watch the sun rise over some body of water, I give you permission to make it happen.
I give you permission to take back your time. No more lying in bed at night wondering where the day went. No more just reacting to life and getting pushed around from here to there. You were created to happen to life, not just let life happen to YOU. Use the calendar app on your phone. Make a plan that takes care of business AND your soul.
I give you permission to fall in love. If you’ve been dating that guy/girl for a while and they’ve proven themselves trustworthy and safe, give him/her your heart. Say ‘I love you’ first. Go in for the kiss. This just might be the one. And if it’s not, well, we’ve survived that before too.
I give you permission to ask for help. Maybe your debt has spiraled out of control. Maybe that addiction isn’t staying hidden as well as it used to. Maybe that nagging health issue just isn’t going away. Maybe that innocent friendship is taking a tiny but dangerous turn. Go to your person, that safe person that you trust, and ask for help.
I give you permission to heal. Those wounds you’ve been carrying around, either secret or obvious, I give you permission to heal from them. Get some good counseling, read some books, start praying regularly and get some people praying for you. God might be waiting for YOUR permission to get to that injury.
I give you permission to change. Are there some personality traits that just don’t fit you anymore? Some behaviors that are nothing more than bad habits? You’re not stuck. It’s not too late. As long as you’re still breathing, it’s never too late to change.
Who am I to grant you all this permission?
Nobody really. Just somebody out here who knows what it’s like to live a life stifled and limited by no one but myself. And between God and Ayn Rand, well, I finally learned how to turn myself loose.
What are you waiting for permission to do? And who are you waiting to get that permission from?
Let me see if I can eliminate at least a couple of the excuses: If what you want isn’t going against scripture, go for it.
And guess what, if you’re in the habit of listening to God and are at all interested in His plan for your life, and you start heading in a direction that isn’t what He wants, He’ll stop you.
Paul tried several times to preach in the province of Asia and the Holy Spirit wouldn’t let it happen. He finally ended up heading over to Macedonia after getting clear direction in a vision (Acts 6).
Oh, and have you ever heard of Jonah? Yeah. He went the wrong way. Got a clear command from God and went the total opposite direction. And God had no problem putting an end to that nonsense, on no uncertain terms (Jonah 1).
Now, if your natural bend is rebellious and defiant, this one isn’t for you. I’ll write a different post for you later.
But if deep down inside, feel like a timid kid waiting for a grownup to tell you it’s okay to do what you want to do, find a mirror. The grownup is you.
This is YOUR time. This is YOUR life, ticking away moment by moment. YOU are up to bat. Full count. Bases loaded.
Give yourself permission.
And swing for the fences.
