Love wins

I think it’s time for a review.

We all know what love is supposed to do but looking at relationships these days it just looks like a bunch of people who have never heard or experienced the concept before.

I drive around Orlando and see the yard signs “We will not let hate win,” referring to the Pulse shooting.

It’s easy to put a sign in your yard. It’s easy to condemn hate when it comes to mass shootings and catastrophic acts of terrorism.

But it’s much harder to see where hate is winning in our own relationships, in our own Facebook feeds and even in our own hearts. We’re too close.

So I move that we all take a deep breath and a step back.

1 Corinthians 13 has been quoted so often that I’m not even sure we hear it anymore. We know all the words by heart, but they’re just words now. A pretty picture of the ideal relationship, a bar so high we know we are not capable of reaching it.

And so we stop trying.

At some point along the way, we decided being right was better than being in relationship. A tragedy of unspeakable measure for the good guys. A massive victory of subtlety for the other team.

We’ve been duped once again.

Duped into thinking being right is worth the loss of any and every relationship.
Duped into believing we can no longer be in relationship with someone who is different than we are.
Duped by the idea that relationships are expendable.
Duped by wondering if love was ever really worth that much to us in the first place.

I’ve been pondering a theory for a while that has finally graduated to a certainty:

Any sin we commit against God and/or each other is based in fear.

The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s FEAR.

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. – Yoda (I can’t believe I just quoted Episode 1 to support my argument.)

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
I can say all the words, make all the best arguments, garner all the attention in a room and if love is not my motive, I’m adding more pointless, unintelligible noise to the din.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
God can fill me with unusual wisdom, I can be an expert in theology and the strength of my faith can put everyone else’s to shame. But if these gifts are not wielded in love, they are wielded as weapons of superiority and competition.

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
I can write big checks. I can be in all the right pictures in Orlando Magazine for all my massive donations. I can fast on behalf of others to ‘raise awareness’ for poverty and hunger. But if there is no love, all this sacrifice is a waste.

Love is patient, love is kind.
Love waits for its turn to speak, if it does at all. Love weighs its words carefully, hearing them first through the ears of the other before uttering them out loud. (Fear is impatient, fear is mean.)

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
Love does not covet the attention another receives. Love doesn’t swagger, brag through feigned humility. Love does not consider itself better than ANYONE, no matter their belief, race, age, gender or creed. We are all sinners saved by grace. (Fear boasts and brags in insecurity.)

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not seek to discredit or disrespect another to build itself up. It seeks no status, no recognition. It is not easily offended and deliberately ‘forgets’ wrongs that it has already forgiven. Love doesn’t store up ammunition or evidence. (Fear cuts others down to protect its standing. Fear holds grudges as a form of self protection.)

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Love wishes pain and suffering on no one. Love fights for the truth, because the Truth will set you free. (Fear secretly relishes the suffering of its opponents. Fear deceives for its own gain.)

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
No matter where the disagreements lie, love values relationship above all. It guards the relationship, it trusts the relationship, it believes the best for the relationship and it just keeps going. (Fear bails, doubts and runs when things get hard.)

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Love doesn’t quit. Love knows that none of these things that we fight about will last. Love plays for the long game.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.
We know that we can never know the whole story. There is always another side, there is always a missing detail. But someday we’ll know, and we’ll be glad we erred on the side of love.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
When I was a kid, I wasn’t careful with my words, I enjoyed the simplicity of black-and-white reasoning and I never considered other people’s perspectives or feelings. But then I grew up and stopped throwing fits, demanding my way and being reckless with relationships. 

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
Every now and then, I see a glimpse of God’s glory. If I paid attention more, I would see it all around me all the time. I know that my finite self can only comprehend so much. But someday, I’ll be able to see the big picture clearly, just as clearly as God sees me.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Faith and hope are required to get through this life. We must believe, we must trust in God’s word. But someday, faith and hope will no longer be needed. But there will always be love.

If you can’t have an honest discourse without love, shut up.
If you can’t present another side without damaging a relationship, keep it to yourself.
If you being right requires the other person being humiliated into ‘wrong,’ it’s not worth it.
If a friend invites an exchange of differing ideas and things get personal, drop it.

We claim to not let hate win. I want to knock on the door of those houses and ask what that looks like to each person who lives there.

Scared people scare people. Fear needs to win.

Let’s do a little soul searching: What am I ultimately afraid of? How does that manifest itself in my life? How can I keep fear from winning? How can I keep fear from steering this ship?

1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” And of course, even on our best day, all we can muster is imperfect love. Nonetheless, our goal is to drive out fear in others, rather than instill it.

And why shoot for a standard that is impossible to reach?

Because Love Himself commanded that we follow His example.

And love is the most excellent way.