Letting go is not one of my strong suits.
To steal a line from one of the greatest line-writers in the world, “Surrender don’t come natural to me.”
Everything in my nature tells me to hold on for dear life. Probably because many things in my life are worth holding on to.
Unfortunately, this tendency to not let things go does not distinguish between good and bad. And as a result, I end up holding onto things that aren’t good for me almost as often as things worth keeping.
Let me take a moment to introduce you to the dogs in my family.
I’ve written two full blogs about our late bulldog, Herschel, who died back in July. (Feel free to refer back to this one and this one.) But in a nutshell, he wasn’t really TRAINED, per se. I think Beau taught him how to shake and I think I saw it happen once. (It may have just been a coincidence.)
Herschel would come when you called on one or more of the following conditions: 1) If he heard you. 2) If you said his name several times in a row very loudly and added a clap or a stomp at the end (which may be related to #1). 3) If you were really, REALLY convincing that it was worth his energy to move.
That was about his only ‘trick,’ or command he would follow.
Then there’s my big sister’s dog, Louis. Louis Vuitton Hightower is a cairn terrier (think Toto from Wizard of Oz). And here’s the thing about cairn terriers:
Their give-a-damn’s busted.
Louis is a fun, snuggly little buddy IF AND ONLY IF he’s in the mood. If not, well, you’re just outta luck.
Apparently it’s a personality quirk of the breed. Very stubborn. I swear, if he could flick us off, he totally would on a fairly regular basis.
You can call him as many times as you want. But if he doesn’t want to come, he just big fat won’t. I’ve actually seen Ali call him, Louis look right at her and then walk across the room to my mom. Not kidding.
A huge personality for such a small animal. Napoleon complex, I guess. He’ll always have a warm place in my heart because he was so protective of Caroline when she was a baby. He would NOT leave her unattended if she happened to crawl out of the room.
Much to her annoyance, she would strike out in independent exploration only to have a fury opponent block, bump and attempt to herd her back toward the group. Then he would look at us like we were idiots for not paying more attention and how lucky we were to have him there, keeping an eye on her.
He’s been to obedience school twice and flunked out, I’m pretty sure on purpose. Not that he doesn’t know how to do anything. He totally does. When he feels like it, he can do lots of things. Very smart dog. It’s just a matter of if he wants to or not.
Then there’s my little sister’s dog, Stella. Stella is this humongous, beautiful golden retriever. She’s got that gorgeous, almost blond fur. And that breed just has the sweetest disposition and is ever eager to please.
She is hands-down the most well trained dog I’ve ever been related to and all the credit to Kathleen for making that happen.
Kathleen can give Stella any number of commands and she obeys immediately almost every time. The only exceptions I’ve seen are when she’s just SO EXCITED to see everybody, she just CAN’T think about anything else.
But my favorite command/obedience combination is ‘leave it.’
Back in the day, with the dogs we were growing up with, that would be the equivalent of ‘no,’ from what I can tell. But this seems a little more specific.
Stella will be sniffing somebody or picking up something in her mouth or just doing anything at all really, Kathleen will say, “Leave it,” and it is immediately stopped, dropped, abandoned, forgotten.
And Stella makes it look so easy. I wish I could just ‘leave it’
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Problem area #1: Relationships
Like I’ve said before, for some reason, I act like every friendship I’ve ever had is supposed to last FOREVER. Like EVERY SINGLE FRIEND is supposed to be a lifelong friend. And to be sure, I do have some of those.
But the (hard) truth is, other friendships are seasonal. Needed, valuable and natural for a season. Then after a while, it’s run its course and it’s time to move on.
Except I can’t do it.
I mean, I CAN and I HAVE. But it was difficult. And painful. And awkward. And I felt guilty.
(Pointing at a relationship) Leave it.
But Lord, I CAN’T. He/she NEEDS me. (Codependent, remember?)
No, he/she needs ME. And you’re in the way.
But I can help!
I know you mean well, child. I know you love hard. But you must let Me take it from here. You’ve done all you can. Anything else do will be hurting, not helping. Leave it.
Problem area #2: Old mistakes
I was just talking about this with some friends yesterday. For some reason, it makes sense to me to hold onto guilt. In my mind, I’ll take the forgiveness, but I won’t forget the sin. Because if I forget it and actually live all forgiven, footloose and fancy free, well, I might just do it again.
Better to keep myself on a short leash, regularly remind myself of major screw-ups as a prevention method. Sounds prudent, wise and responsible.
One problem: It’s a lie. It’s Satan keeping me crippled in shame for a debt that’s long since been paid and somehow convincing me it’s a good idea. I hate that guy.
(Pointing at a stinky pile of expired, forgiven sin) Leave it.
But Lord, it was really bad, remember? I mean, REALLY bad.
I know. I know how bad it was. But it’s forgiven. It’s gone. Leave it.
But I’m afraid if I leave it, then it won’t protect me. You know, from doing it again.
So let Me get this straight: You’d rather trust the damaging memories of old mistakes rather than My Holy Spirit to protect you from future mistakes.
Okay, well, when You put it that way, it sounds…
Ridiculous. Leave it.
Problem area #3: Control
Well, when I say control, I really mean the ILLUSION of control. I know I’m not really in control. But I like to pretend. In fact, I pretend so much and so well that sometimes I even fool MYSELF.
I’ve got my color-coded calendar with all the kids’ visitation schedules, games, practices, meetings and events. Then of course, Brad and I have plenty of stuff going on to keep us busy. And when I look at this rainbow of lives on a page, I feel like we have a script to follow.
But my merciful Father will only let that go so long before there’s a curve ball, a plot twist and I have to call an audible on my precious plan. In those moments, I am reminded Who is truly in control.
(Pointing at my calendar) Leave it.
But Lord, it’s beautiful! Look! Look how beautifully I’ve planned out my life. Aren’t You impressed?
I feel like we’ve talked about this before, about you trying to do My job…
Yes, yes, I know You have a plan. But don’t You like mine? I mean, if You want to borrow any of my ideas, please feel free.
Wow, thanks. That’s so kind of you to offer to help Me run the universe. Leave it.
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Obviously I need another semester of obedience school.
Like Louis, I know what I’m supposed to do. And while I’m not as overtly rebellious, I tend to pick and choose when I’m going to obey or not. Oh to be as sweet natured and obedient (and happy about it!) as Stella.
My Father doesn’t tell me to let go of things that are good for me. He alone knows what I need. If He wants me to walk away, it’s for my good. And I have to learn to trust Him.
My ‘want to’ for my way must defer to my ‘want to’ for obeying my Father. He is worthy of that and so much more. His love language is obedience, not just as a power trip or to flex His mighty muscles, but out of love for His children.
Stella doesn’t pause when she is commanded to leave it. She doesn’t cock her head with a mouth full of her latest acquisition and wonder, “Does that chick really know what’s best for me? Maybe I could hang onto it for just a little bit. It couldn’t hurt anything. And then maybe she’ll change her mind and let me have it.”
Nope, it’s instantaneous. Kathleen says to leave it, and it is left. Period. And then Stella moves on. Doesn’t look back and long for what she can’t have. Too many other exciting possibilities in front of her.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward toe goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13b-14
We hold things in an open hand, not just so God can take things away, but so He can add to them. Someday I’ll learn to quickly let go of what He tells me to so I can gladly make room for the blessings He has in store.
If I had to be a dog, I would love to have lived Herschel’s life of eating, sleeping and an occasional wrestling match with someone I loved.
Most days, I look more like Louis, going about my day as I see fit and however the mood strikes me.
But as I grow in faith, I hope to look more like Stella with a life lived in trust, gratitude and joy.
And the command that first on my list to learn:
Leave it.
