Forward!

I don’t do New Years resolutions.

You guys know this already. I’m more of a Type-B-goals type of person who uses January to fine-tune a few goals, soft launch around the beginning of February and then celebrate any progress made toward said goals. But God’s been showing me some new stuff about new years.

I was at a networking event a few weeks ago and as an icebreaker, we went around the table and talked about our New Years goals. I knew what I was going to say: “I need to get back into my morning routine” and talk a little bit about how productive I had been during a particularly disciplined time several years before.

I wasn’t the first one to share so I tuned in to the others, their goals and plans. And all of a sudden, I heard it.

“I need to get back in shape.”
“I want to get back to spending my downtime with my family.”
“I want to figure out a way to get exercise back in my schedule.”
“I need to get back to eating healthier.”

We were all being presented with a new year and every single one of us was talking about going BACK to something. No doubt to something that worked before, but I’m not sure if that’s how it goes.

I started thinking about my own goal I was about to share, referring to a 3-year period that ended a couple years before. Yeah, those were good years, from a productivity standpoint. But the truth is, that routine just big fat won’t work anymore.

Life is different now. CJ is in middle school and wants to get to school earlier to hang out with her friends. We have a dog so taking him for a walk has to be first priority every morning. And if I were to try to be still and quiet after that, well, he’s a very interactive dog. And once he’s been ‘activated’ for the day, he wants to be WITH you, NEXT to you, preferably ON you (which leaves little room for a Bible or a laptop).

And I’M different now. My energy dropped way off the past two years so getting up early wasn’t an option. I feel like it’s just starting to come back (shhh, don’t scare it away), so I can only now start getting up before the last minute.  

I don’t need to get BACK to my morning routine; I need to configure a new one that works for my life and me as we are TODAY.

I would imagine most pastors pummeled their congregations this past Sunday with A) some word play on ‘2020 vision’ and/or B) the verse from Isaiah (43:19) about God “doing a new thing. Do you not perceive it?”

Well, if we keep trying to go back to whatever it is, we WON’T perceive it.

The truth is, going back to anything the way it was is not even possible. That time you want to go back to isn’t even there anymore. The people in it aren’t there anymore. Because their life is different now too. Time has passed and we’ve all changed. The version of them we miss (I hate to say) is gone. Forever.

(Please don’t misunderstand: This is NOT something I’ve completely embraced and live by. This is what I’m in the middle of learning and I’m still workin’ in out.)

Brad and I were kicking this idea around and of course he brought up Lot’s wife (Genesis 19). God was destroying Sodom and Gomorrah and the angels He sent to warn Lot and his family specifically instructed them to not look back. I guess Lot’s wife was just dying of curiosity (probably a bunch of explosions, the ultimate trainwreck you can’t look away from) and she looked back. Instantly, she was turned into a pillar of salt.

I rolled my eyes. You can take the preacher out of the pulpit, but you can never take the pulpit out of the preacher. No matter what his job title is, he will always be the grumpy prophet God made him to be.

I pushed back saying I didn’t feel like God was threatening my life for looking back. He shrugged, “Maybe He thinks YOU might be threatening the life He has for you by looking back.”

Wait.

The life I’m threatening by looking back is the life God has for me. The Life That is Truly Life (1 Timothy 6:19) that I so desperately want to take hold of but always seems just out of reach. The life I was created to live. THAT’S the life I’m threatening by looking back.

Mind = blown.

Point being, whatever you’re trying to get back to, let it go. It’s not there anymore. And that’s okay. Let it be what it was and enjoy it in your memories. We can only go forward to new versions of old relationships, if we want to keep them. How many relationships have we lost because something happened that changed things forever and we went on a fool’s errand of trying to get things back to the way they were?

There are more adventures ahead. All we can do is put a solid effort into accomplishing God’s plan for our lives and just hang on for dear life, trusting His goodness and love for us.

Here’s something else I’m questioning. Since when did we all start making promises over the year ahead when we have absolutely zero ability to keep those promises?

What is all this:

“This is MY YEAR!”
“This is gonna be YOUR YEAR!”
“This year will be so much better than last year, just you wait!”
“Aren’t you so glad to have last year behind you?”

And of course the second half of 2019 was one of the lowest points of my existence. But after three years of trying to claim the new year as a better year for me, I’ve decided to let God have my year (newsflash: He has it anyway).

Who knows? I may have stuff ahead of me in 2020 that will make 2019 look like a walk in the park (God forbid). This next year is not my year. They’re all His to do what He will (and won’t) with them.

Also, we were never intended to live a year at a time.

I can’t do another year. I’m not ready to look forward into the great unknown with hope and excitement at the moment. Another year is too daunting.

But you know what I CAN do? The rest of today. One day at a time. You know, the way He created us to live when He separated the darkness from the light and called them day and night. We are to live our lives between sleeps.

Typically, I try to live a month at a time, with my trusty Google calendar. And Caroline’s dad always makes a Google doc of the semesters and summers so we can be on the same page with where she is when, trade weekends, etc. So I can also find myself trying to live a SEASON at a time.

But what about today? Just today? What a wonderful bite-sized piece of time to chew on.

Is planning unbiblical? Nope. But God does put some safeguards on it to protect us from the illusion of control (which always eventually leads to a total freakout when you are inevitably reminded of your lack thereof).

Straight from the Sermon on the Mount:

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?… Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own, (Matthew 6:27, 34).

So there’s nothing wrong with thinking about tomorrow or even planning for tomorrow. But when planning turns to worrying, that’s when it becomes a sin.

James is a little more harsh (as he is about EVERYTHING. Dude was HARDCORE.):

Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that,’ (4:13-15).

While it might get tedious, I can totally see the value of prefacing plans reminding others (and even more so ourselves!) to show deference to the REAL Planner. (“God willin’ and the creek don’t rise.”) Keep us in our place, right between the sleeps.

It’s a new year. But these days, I don’t care what numbers go at the end of the dates we write. Calendars are for us. But my God is looking at the entire picture of eternity right now (Psalm 139:16). He knows where I am. He knows where I’m going. And He knows what will happen when I get there.

The older I get, the less I know. And honestly, the less I care. Because the One calling the shots in my life is good. And He loves me with a perfection and completeness I’ll never be able to fathom. And I have a part in His great story.

Forward!