Flexibility

We’re all control freaks.

Some personality types just lend themselves more to the desperate need for control. Some people who spent their childhood in unstable environments spend the rest of their lives desperately attempting to control their environments, the people in their lives and any other variable that may cause them harm or discomfort.

But in order to thrive, we’ve got to be flexible.

Several years ago I went on a road trip to Kentucky with one of my best friends. The area was still recovering from a devastating ice storm that hit several weeks before. There were tree branches down everywhere we looked. The storm had come through and layered the trees with ice until the weight became too heavy to bear. And the limbs just snapped. People said it sounded like constant gunfire for a of couple days as tree after tree succumbed to the ice.

We were hiking through the woods one day and came upon a striking sight. The forest floor was littered with the debris of the storm, but in the middle of all the gray was a shock of green.

Some small breed of fir tree had been bent at such an extreme angle that it looked like a beautiful dark green archway against the backdrop of gray. The storm had so beaten this tree that, just for sheer gravity’s sake, it should have been on the ground. But there it stood (if you could call it that), bent as could be, but still green, still growing. Still alive.

I’ll never forget that image.

Athletes know that flexibility reduces risk of injury. Life is a tough workout, you guys. And if we haven’t taken steps to stay flexible, we’ll get hurt. Strength is all well and good until you realize those strong muscles you built are short and tight and actually restrict your movement.

Here are a few tips to help us stay flexible when life happens:

1. Breathe. This tip is courtesy of my buddy (and coach!) Mitch Matthews from my Facebook page. “One thing I try to do, especially when plans change, is to intentionally take a deep breath. Take a look around to make sure no one is in actual danger or on fire, be grateful for THAT… and then say to myself, ‘What needs to be done?’”

We often underestimate the power of oxygen. In tense moments, my husband will ask me, “Are you breathing?” I’m not intentionally holding my breath, but I find that I’ve resorted to short, shallow breaths in the midst of dealing with whatever’s happening.

Many of you have FitBits which come with reminders throughout the day to stop and do a series of deep breaths. Clearly this is more important than we realize.

When the unexpected hits, a deep breath or two will give you a moment to collect yourself, give your brain an extra boost of oxygen and clarity and then calmly take whatever action is necessary.

2. Assess. The need to control always stems from fear. Take a moment and identify if and how you’re feeling threatened. Is that threat real? If so, don’t obsess about it. Act! DO something about it. Is the threat just a what-if? A potential threat instead of an actual one? Let it go and move on. Save that energy for ACTUAL threats. Don’t prepare for a disaster that may never happen.

3. Laugh. Perspective is a beautiful thing. I’m not suggesting trying to laugh at a real-life tragedy. But if life is just happening (as it tends to do), if someone or something is trying to rattle you, if all your precious plans suddenly get turned upside down, laughter takes the power out of the ‘threat.’ That person suddenly looks silly instead of scary. That unexpected event now looks like an interesting plot twist to your story instead of a reason to panic, leaving you scrambling to regain control. (Here’s a link to Friday’s inspirational post about laughing at instead of being afraid of the future.)

Most of us unknowingly associate power with control. An individual who has the most control over their lives (and the lives of others) appears to be the most powerful, when actually their rigidity is a vulnerability. A strong wind blows through their plans and they snap.

The real power comes in staying flexible. Rolling with it. Being adaptable. Ironically enough, some of the happiest and most important moments of my life have not been on the calendar, but have been unexpected opportunities that I’ve allowed to walk into my days without an appointment.

Click here to download a graphic I’ve found very helpful about your Circle of Control vs. Circle of Concern. And head over to my Facebook page to share more tips with all of us on how to stay flexible.